Thursday, January 28, 2010

iPad = iFAIL. And it's not just the name.

As a complete anticipation blow, Apple revealed the iPad today. No, not the iSlate, iTab, iTablet, or iWhatever. The thing's called the iPad. Immediately tons of iPad-jokes hit Twitter, clearly there's no woman on that product naming team. But hey, let's not judge the iPad by its name. No matter what it's called, it'll still ultimately be the iFail. Let's do a little round-up on the wish-list I posted only 24 hours ago. (Yes, 24 fucking hours ago I was all wishful and hopeful about this tablet thing)

- Long battery life (at least longer than 1 full day of continuous use);
FAIL. The iPad has an "official" 10 hours of continuous-use battery life and a 30 days standby (which means 5-6 hours realistically. and oh, how the hell does standby matter if it's not a phone?)

- 3G (because finding a WiFi hotspot is a pain); SO-SO. It's optional for an extra $130. The other way to see this is we can pay $130 less by not having it. But the extra one month wait time for the 3G version is A BIG FAIL.

- WiFi (because some stupid places in this planet just doesn't get 3G coverage); PASS. 801.22n too.

- GPS (or else it doesn't qualify as a gadget); FAIL. GPS is only available on the 3G version. WTF? I don't mind paying the $130 but I do mind the feeling of being forced into paying.

- OLED or at least LED backlit screen (LCD is very 2008); FAIL. OMG they went for LCD. And I thought this one is a gimme.Update: Turns out the screen is LED backlit afterall.

- a very awesome touchscreen input method (because all the existing ones for large touchscreens suck); FAIL. We've tried our luck with on-screen keyboards. Do we really need to try again?

- Bluetooth compatibility with Apple wireless keyboard (because even the most awesome input method sucks at times); PASS. It also has an optional keyboard cradle which is neat.

- at least 64gb internal memory or an expandable memory slot; FAIL. 64gb is the largest of the three size options and it's $829 with 3G. No expandable memory either. In fact, not even an USB port.

- ability to run all mac programs and not just the ones pre-approved by some stupid store; FAIL. Not only can it not run any mac programs, it also doesn't support Flash. That's like telling me to forget about browsing the web with it. See below for Adobe's response:

It looks like Apple is continuing to impose restrictions on their devices that limit both content publishers and consumers. Unlike many other ebook readers using the ePub file format, consumers will not be able to access ePub content with Apple's DRM technology on devices made by other manufacturers. And without Flash support, iPad users will not be able to access the full range of web content, including over 70% of games and 75% of video on the web.

If I want to use the iPad to connect to Disney, Hulu, Miniclip, Farmville, ESPN, Kongregate, or JibJab — not to mention the millions of other sites on the web — I'll be out of luck.

- ability to run the Pokerstars client (or else I can't justify bringing it on trips); FAIL. At least for now.

- some e-ink equivalent/comparable display (for easy book reading); FAIL. I think my Macbook works just fine if I wanna read a book off an LCD screen.

- some sort of coolness that rewards me for owning the iMac, the Macbook, and the iPhone (like allowing it to act as 2nd display (dreaming again)). FAIL. Not because there's no freebie for Mac owners but because the iPad delivered absolutely NOTHING to wow me.

Need I say more? Actually yes. I can't express how underwhelmed I was when I first saw the thing. It's fucking ugly! What's with the huge bezel? Oh, and no camera? front AND back?

In conclusion, I'm partly happy because I can now put the $800 I budgeted for some awesome tablet in the bank for my next-gen iPhone. Oh, and please don't give it to me as my next birthday present, it won't be appreciated.


This is why the iPad might still succeed in more ways than we can imagine (currently being zero, btw): click here.Update: click this one as well.

For all iPad jokes: click here. Fun fact: #iTampon was the no.2 trending topic on Twitter today. lulz.

And finally, this clip by MadTV back in 2006. LULZ.

Update: Hilter's reaction to the iPad.


Shane said...

Not even 2 tables? If we play 1 table, can we do 115s? 10-20 games sounds good.

Phil Lau said...

$115s is fine.